No More Fucking Serial Killers, eh?

Doesn't the title just say it all?

I am so fucking sick of articles and poorly-written, unoriginal worship-oriented pieces about serial and mass murderers. Sick to death, in fact. Haven't we (especially as the so-called UNDERGROUND & INDEPENDENT small press) done enough to stomp this dead horse? Yes.

Fortunately, there is an end in sight. Natural Born Killers arrives one of these months. Though Quentin Tarantino is supposedly unhappy with Oliver Stone's treatment of his script, the film will be incredible if it maintains even one-half of Quentin's brilliance. The only disappointment I expect are the stars: Woody "Doldrum" Harrelson and Juliette "Bad-Actress" Lewis.

The script is truly wonderful. A piece of art to anyone who has been a part of the serial/mass murderer fascination throughout the years. Quentin obviously did his homework (or went through his library) to create Mickey and Mallory Knox, the dynamic-duo, Sid & Nancy of killers. He's built them from the ground up to be the quintessential media icons: attractive, sexual and witty, with a death count of 44. Tarantino makes fun of your fascination, too. He throws the Sid & Nancy crap in your face; he pounds you with Geraldo allusions; he grinds down the Americana serial/mass murderer attention to it's ridiculous core. It's beautiful.
And I expect NBK to finally put this serial/mass murderer nonsense to a bitter death, so that I won't have to open any more 'zines and see articles and fluff about the same half dozen killers. But in an effort to hasten the process, I offer the following declaration:

Attention Writers, Editors, Publishers
I, Jeff Koyen--embittered serial/mass murderer afficionado, failing writer, snotty elitist, working shit--am hereby officially declaring a moratorium on the publishing of the following:
- articles about the personal lives of serial/mass murderers;
- articles about/pictures of the artwork of serial/ mass murderers;
- articles about/pictures of the deeds of serial/mass murderers, unless they are previously unpublished and particularly gruesome (see Alvin Harper interview);
- reviews or exposés of other media covering any serial/mass murderer (current article excluded).

In fact, I don't want to see ANYTHING AT ALL about serial and mass murderers. Got me? I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF IT. It's all so goddamn redundant.

Do you know how many places I have seen the Richard Remirez and Henry Lee Lucas artwork? It was interesting when I first saw it in Answer Me! But I've since seen it in 2 or 3 other small press, UNDERGROUND magazines. Shit, it's probably been in Newsweek and Time by now. Haven't YOU had enough?

I will grant 3 exceptions to my totalitarian decree. As "Murder Can Be Fun," "Evil," and "ANSWER Me!" have always published interesting articles, photos, etc, in the true crime vein, I feel they're the only publications capable of continuing to engage me in spite of all the other shit out there. Let the professionals do it, ok, kids? You just won't do it better than the Goads.

Please don't tell me that your magazine published a Gacy painting way back in 1990 because I don't care; so did Details. And don't tell me that YOUR magazine printed a letter from Manson 5 years ago; it's been passe for 15 years. (Hell, when the Lemonheads covered a Manson song, it was interesting, SIX YEARS AGO. Guns 'n Roses jumps on the wagon and gets national media attention?) It's all crap. It's boring, mass media nonsense, ok? You've been sold out by yourselves and all your little dangerous rags. But don't take it up with me. I don't like to argue.

So. In the way that Airplane! spoofed and ultimately ended the string of Airport 19xx movies, "Natural Born Killers" will do the same to the national fixation on serial/mass murderers. After all, when your so-cool hobby is being detailed on a 50-foot screen at the local MultiPlex 12, how underground can you REALLY be? Even the stupid motherfuckers buying Gacy paintings for $5000 will be bitching that "now EVERYONE'S got one. I had mine X years ago." Shit, when your grandmother knows what Gacy's body count was, how CUTTING EDGE can you possibly be?

All I can say is that I got my Gacy for $100, and it's up for sale for $2500. I've also got my Bloody Visions trading cards, and they're for sale, too. But I need to sell them quick, before the public realizes how trite and commonplace all this crap is. I'm selling 'cause I need the money; I've got 2-color covers to print and sacrifices must be made.

So, quick, get yours now, before NBK outcools you!!

I'll even pick up the shipping and insurance! Make me an offer.