Crank #4 - Bowel Movements and Peppermint Soap

On the Subject of
Movements and Peppermint Soap

Outside of stomach viruses and such, the bowel movements of children are to be envied. Up until the age of 14 or so, I remember hitting the bowl immediately after dinner, being there for no more than three minutes, and going on my way, clean as a whistle. At some time in adolescence, though, everything went downhill. It might've been the introduction of liquor into my diet, it might've been the frustrating part-time retail jobs, it might've even been the anxiety of wanting everything I was destined to never have. Whatever caused it, I found myself spending more and more time in the bathroom. It was then that I really understood why there were four-year old Reader's Digests next to the bowl: it ain't just reading material, it's free time.

I lived with an aunt and uncle for a few weeks when I was 15. They were--and still are, really--hippie-dippies, but I like them anyway. It was in their bathroom that I found the penultimate Bathroom Reading Companion: Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile Soap.
If you're not familiar with this splendid product, then you've missed out on countless "Dilute! Dilute! Ok!" references over the last 20 years.

If you are familiar with the label, but never read through it in one sitting, then your bowels have been much too kind to you.

Feel free to take a trip to the local copy shop and have them xerox this page with blue toner, then paste it onto your favorite hippies' bottle of Peppermint Soap.