I'd like to thank all the usuals: subscribers, advertisers, readers, and the hodge-podge of incorrigibles who justify this arrogance which substitutes for my soul.

Have no doubt: I am all the man you'll ever need.

A note to record company promotion cogs: thanks for all the free stuff, but feel free to take me off your mailing lists. As you have probably noticed, your band did not get reviewed this time. And it won't get reviewed next time, either.

I stopped producing the Icon Review System before it became stale. (Face it--including that slew of reviews in Crank #5 was precisely the kind of behavior I was lampooning in the first place. I used them to fill pages when the ideas stopped coming each morning and I became anxious to produce another issue.) In fact, there will be no more reviews at all in the foreseeable future. (Until I devise another brilliant system which simultaneously mocks and functions, of course.)

In the meantime, I thank my advertisers in advance for having the good judgment to continue advertising in Crank.

As the Icon Review System was intended to demonstrate, ads for music should not necessarily be placed exclusively in music zines. In fact, I can wage a healthy argument for precisely the opposite: readers of music zines are so overwhelmed by sloppy, amateur opinion that your advertisement has little or no impact. In Crank, with no editorial dedicated to music, the ads carry a certain weight. No editorial contradiction and no editorial compromise.

I've proved my point by offering a 84-page zine supported by a nominal amount (when compared to most other similar publications) of record company advertising, without including a single page of musical content. No interviews. No reviews. Nothing.

And now, I move on.

That book deal is still in the works, so keep your eyes peeled. Ditto the movie, TV pilot, speaking engagement, clothing line and action figure.

Christ. There's just so much more to say.

Until next time (don't hold your breath), I remain,
The Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah,
Jeff Koyen