Everyone knows how much fun "found" things can be--letters, photos, shopping lists, the like. But this is the Information Age, goddamn! Picking up scraps of paper is just so low-tech. Me? I pick floppy disks out of the trash. God bless the Macintosh--the following letter was converted from a PC floppy found coming off the N-train near NYU. Isn't this woman too young to get sucked into such nonsense?! (Spelling errors were left intact. I was going to mark them all, but it became tedious. There were just too many. So much for higher education.) I'm convinced that it's real because the floppy also contained a number of term papers, all of which contained similar spelling errors and incredible examples of ignorance. Perhaps I'll publish one of those next issue.

 

May 13, 1995

Dear Mr. Swaggart,

I watched your show this morning for the first time and it was very inspirational to me. I have scanneed past this channel on many occasions but for some reason while I was crying the television turned on and there you were talking to me. I might have accidentily turned the TV on but it happened. I am only 20 years old and I have an unbeleivable amount of stress in my life. If its not one thing its the next. To add to the stress of home, school, and work, i recently found I why I have been feeling so sick. I found out that I have Anemia and that it is not safe for me to have children because I might die in child birth. My boyfreind says that he will be there for me but he started to pull away from me. He is a born again christian but he does not act like one so he had turned me completely off to the spirit of God. For some time now I have felt somekind of emptiness in my heart but I didn't understand why until today. Mr. Swaggart, your sermon today deeply moved me. I didn't understand until today how someone could have such a great love for God. I prayed with you and I want to learn more. I have just accepted that God is my savior and that his son died for all of my sins. I also now believe that God loves me no matter what goes wrong. I have this inner faith that is so new to me. I just want to thank you for changing my life. I am deeply greatful.

Peace and Love,
Sincerely,
Theresa M. Jacobs


 


(1997)

Glory Days?

Vanity
Grandstanding

Credit Where
Credit is Due

Crank for Iowans

Viscerallaneous

An Overanalysis
of E.T.

An Underanalysis
of Star Trek

More of the Same

Another
D&D Reference

An Overanalysis
of Elvis Films

An Underanalysis
of Elvis Films

Teen Beat

Finally!
Columbo Worship

Oh, Youth

HOT XXX Centerfold!

The Centerfold That
Actually Ran
When the Fucking
Printers Pussied Out

For the Editor,
A Vacation (of sorts)

Yuck Yuck

Jeesh. Some Ego
This Koyen Guy Has

"Found" Idiocy

Just DON'T
Get Me Started,
Padre

Jeff Koyen:
Screenwriter

Tips for that
Insanity Plea

Candid
Crank Camera

Booze 'n' Medicinals: Watch Out!

Vitamins for Drunks

A Crank Brand
Of Closure

Do it Right!
Like a Man

You Can Forget
Renting THESE

It's the
Small Victories
That Count

You Can Bet
Your Ass I'm Unlisted

My Favorite
Co-Sponsored
Credit Cards

Closing Remarks