Poison is for Pussies.
Keep Your dignity-- Kill Yourself like a Man!

Asphyxiation

Suggested Method
--Dangle on end of rope for 10 minutes

Tips
--You'll need a dependable rope and a solid support, 10-feet aboveground

Risks
--Rope snapping
--Discovery
--Pain-inspired abort

If You Fail
--Brain damage

Neck Breaking

Suggested Method
--Hanging

Tips
--See Asphyxiation, above. Methodology varies only in the initial "leap," which should be more drastic for this result.
--Very painless--instantaneous, even--when executed correctly.
--Rope must be very strong, capable of holding several times your body weight
--Use a hangman's knot (with the knot at the back of your neck). A bad knot can lead to a broken jaw, a badly lacerated neck and death by asphyxiation

Risks
--Death by asphyxiation is very common--breaking one's neck is harder than it seems

If You Fail
--See Asphyxiation, above
--Injury due to fall if the rope breaks

Recommended Drop Height To Break One's Neck
Weight - Height
196 lbs - 8 ft. 0 in.
189 lbs - 8 ft. 2 in.
182 lbs - 8 ft. 4 in.
175 lbs - 8 ft. 6 in.
168 lbs - 8 ft. 8 in.
161 lbs - 8 ft. 10 in.
154 lbs - 9 ft. 0 in.
147 lbs - 9 ft. 2 in.
140 lbs - 9 ft. 4 in.
133 lbs - 9 ft. 6 in.
126 lbs - 9 ft. 8 in.
119 lbs - 9 ft. 10 in.
112 lbs - 10 ft. 0 in.

Dry Diving

Suggested Method
--Tall building

Tips
--Ten stories or more is recommended. Certainty is 90% at six stories
--Bring a bolt cutter if you want to access the roof

Risks
--Last-minute abort due to instinctive fear of heights
--Discovery in populated areas

If You Fail
--Brain damage, paralysis or other disability

Cutting

Suggested Method
--The tried-and-true slit wrists

Tips
--Skip the razor--use a very sharp knife! Razor blades are very difficult to handle, especially when they are wet with blood
--Position yourself so that your wrists don't fall inwards against your body, blocking off blood flow
--Cut down along the artery (the blueish vein), not across the wrist
--It may be cliche, but sitting in a hot bath not only feels good, but the warm water helps to prevent clotting

Risks
--Missed the artery? You're gonna live
--Discovery is very common, especially when the act is merely a "cry for help," as they say on Lifetime

If You Fail
--A minor scar

Gunshot

Suggested Method
--Shotgun

Tips
--'Hesitation marks' are commonly found near gunshot suicides. These occur when the would-be victim jerks the gun away at the last nanosecond, spraying the wall behind them with bullets or buckshot. If you don't want to be remembered as the sort of baby who took a full round to get the job done, then do it right the first time
--If you have a choice, use .458 Winchester Magnum ammunition or soft-point slugs

Risks
--Nonlethal injury due to bad aim or insufficient caliber (most people survive single shots to the temple with a .22)

If You Fail
--Potentially everything: brain damage, paralysis, disfigurement
--A big mess

Decapitation

Suggested Method
--Who knows?

Risks
--Reflex abort

If You Fail
--Lord knows

Disembowelment

Suggested Method
--Hari kari

Tips
--Yeah, good luck

Risks
--You will pass out before getting the job done

If You Fail
--Oh, you will fail--even the Samurai were decapitated before they passed out from the self-administered gut wound

Drowning

Suggested Method
--Weighted down

Tips
--Don't have the facilities to fashion a pair of concrete shoes? Try filling your pockets with stones or duct-taping bricks to your shoes

Risks
--Takes about 5 minutes to die, so the abort reflex has plenty of time to kick in
--One can sometimes be revived from cold water drowning after several hours because the temperature slows down terminal brain damage
--Discovery
--Floating up to the surface too soon

If You Fail
--Brain damage
--Tissue damage due to hypothermia

Electrocution

Suggested Method
--High-tension, high-current line

Tips
--Don't bother sticking your tongue in a household outlet--it probably won't kill you
--Works best if the current travels through your head or heart; people have survived massive high-voltage, high-current shocks with nothing but third degree burns

Risks
--Insufficient voltage or contact

If You Fail
--Paralysis
--Amputated limbs
--Severe burns

Explosives

Suggested Method
--Whatever you can get

Tips
--Take a building or a bridge with you
--Do not bother with gunpowder, gasoline other "homemade" explosives
--Do not use any of those ridiculous "how-to" recipes found on the Internet
--Do place your head in the area of impact

Risks
--Non-lethal injuries

If You Fail
--Criminal charges
--Disfigurement
--Paralysis

Hypothermia

Suggested Method
--Get drunk and pass out in the dead of winter

Tips
--In ice-cold water, an average adult will live for 15 minutes
--It's a tough way to go--consider other options

Risks
--Discovery

If You Fail
--Lost limbs
--Paralysis
--Brain damage

Self-Immolation

Suggested Method
--Gasoline bath

Tips
--On the downside, it is a very agonizing way to die
--On the upside, there is very little opportunity to abort

Risks
--Non-lethal injuries

If You Fail
--Disfigurement

Hedonism

Suggested Method
--Fuck everything with a hole, get the AIDS

Tips
--Have fun, be dirty

Risks
--Potential for remorse
--If you live long enough, you just might change your mind and eventually regret contracting the disease; of course, it'll be too late

If You Fail
--Odds are, you won't; but it may take a long time, so: the longer the incubation, the more time for fun!