Sure. I'll peek up the chubby girl's skirt. Good heavens, why do you ask?

The original opening title, penned back in March, 1996, was "Aggression, Inc." Somehow, it didn't feel right, having ripened on my hard drive, untouched, for several months. Not terribly aggressive, now is it? Taking a nice, leisurely year to produce another issue of this beast.

So we're "fancy" now. Fancy.

One of the wisest things ever written in a zine appeared in Farm Pulp. I quote Greg Hischak with his permission:
"It is vanity that deludes us editors into thinking that people notice [our] vanity publications' unpunctualities."

I'll say no more.

Your Editor in his college days, circa 1989. Reprinted without permission from The Rutgers Review.

I'm filming this issue in sequence, starting with this introduction and finishing with the index [note: it's not online; get the PDF if you're curious]. I'm reviving the detoured New Yorker-style comics, last seen in Crank #4 as well. (The comics are coming back because they were just so darned popular. Yes, yes--I've been known to criticize other zine editors for overusing detoured comics in lieu of original material. Tough shit--mine are still better than theirs, any day of the week.) In between, I've got two dozen ideas that need writing. Some will be good, others will be great. Slurp it up, ladies, and leave the leftovers for your friends.

This will be a goddamned watershed in the history of Crank. I dare say that it puts everything else on the market to shame.

The next self-described "beer snob" to cross my path is going to get a bottle across the face. I've got nothing against microbrews, certainly, but I won't fucking stand another jerkoff telling me how their palate has been ruined by all the good beer they get in their city. Just leave me and my Rolling Rock alone, ok?

You'd do well to remember my name and from whence I've come.

If I make it to 30, I'll make it to 80. Two years and counting.
Enjoy the show. While it lasts.

Jeff Koyen
The YHVH Guy