Boy but us snide zine guys
are just so early-90s

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No, thanks, really. No more notes.
No more letters. Just, well, no more.
No more mailorder. No more fan mail.
Six years: Really, now. I've had my share.
I'm done with it. No offense, honest.
Take care of yourself. Best wishes.
See you in Singapore.

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Crank ISSN 1076-9102

subscriptions 1-877-crankkk

questions comments ass-licking
SNORE@CRANK.COM

(SEE) TOO-KAY. How cuh-yoot. As always, though, I grant you permission to reproduce whatever you wish without my prior consent. Just please give credit if you think of it.

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Thanks to: Amy for the many good years, despite the outcome; Giselle for the unwavering friendship; Orianne for having relaxed standards regarding inappropriate behavior; Tom and Jeff for the continuity; Roy for the patience and code; Dennis for picking up where we'd left off; Lisa for Monday nights; Russ for wearing slippers to work; John for the respect; Andrey for the indignation; Roxy and Heather for having brains; Andrea for remaining true; Cousin Tito for caring so much about someone I care about so much; Josh for literally collapsing and crying like a schoolgirl when I fired him; Tony for urging me to cut down on the parenthetical statements; and, of course, to my PowerBook's "Lithium Ion" batteries for the testicular cancer I'm expecting.

The Once and Future Cover

I hadn't spoken with Dennis McGee for about a year. His father had had some health problems; ditto my own (see here). We'd both gone into something of a hiding. But when we finally got back in touch and I mentioned the cover of Crank #7, he immediately hopped on the trolley.

My original vision was simple and elegant: "Christ on the cross getting a blowjob." His sketch appears on the right.

We were all gung-ho for the idea until I crapped out and fell off the face of the earth...again. When I re-emerged into society--filled with more piss and vinegar than before, if you can believe that--Dennis had gotten a demanding new job, and found himself unable to execute the illustration. Considering how important he's been to Crank all these years, I didn't think it proper to commission anyone else for the cover of this, the final Crank.

So. After entertaining and rejecting several ideas from some of the top creative agencies in New York City (Saatchi: I expected more. You call that talent, BBDO? And you, Ogilvy--what the fuck?), I settled on the current cover. No, it ain't no Christ getting a blowjob, but I think it's pretty nifty. If you don't like it, we can discuss it over drinks in Hell.