Got a zine of your own?
Here's what you're doing wrong.

Zine mistake #1: Haiku gags

Zine mistake #2: Irony

Zine mistake #3: Reprinting college term papers

Zine mistake #4: Any band interview (sorry, but it's true)

Zine mistake #5: Poetry

Zine mistake #6: Scene reports

Zine mistake #7: Agreeing to trade

Zine mistake #8: Fake porn movie titles

Zine mistake #9: Childhood television programs

Zine mistake #10: Family Circus

Zine mistake #11: Anything Subgenius

Zine mistake #12: Fortune cookie gags

Zine mistake #13: Hoping for a book deal

Zine mistake #14: Thinking a profit is possible

Zine mistake #15: Bob Black

Zine mistake #16: Inside jokes

Zine mistake #17: Submissions from your readers

Zine mistake #18: Predictable leftiness

Zine mistake #19: Predictable rightiness

Zine mistake #20: Digest size

Zine mistake #22: Typos

Zine mistake #22: Attributing your lack of success to being marginalized

Zine mistake #23: Condemning others for accepting advertising

Zine mistake #24: Dictating what others can post to alt.zines

Zine mistake #25: Mistaking an absence of dissent for correctness

Zine mistake #26: Allowing your friends to submit material

Zine mistake #27: Asking your friends to submit material

Zine mistake #28: Acting angry when you're really a big pussy

Zine mistake #29: Bitching about temp jobs

Zine mistake #30: Handwriting for that personal effect

Zine mistake #31: A long "thanks" list

Zine mistake #32: Jack Chick

Zine mistake #33: "The music that got us through this issue."

Zine mistake #34: Portraying yourself as an outcast

Zine mistake #35: Using a bad distributor twice

Zine mistake #36: Bitching about television

Zine mistake #37: Claiming you're "weird" when you're really just suburban

Zine mistake #38: Reprinting anything from the internet

Zine mistake #39: Playing to the L.C.D.

Zine mistake #40: Compiling your back issues into a book

Zine mistake #41: Charging too little

Zine mistake #42: Charging too much

Zine mistake #43: Using a pen name

Zine mistake #44: Allowing a gimmick to become a crutch

Zine mistake #45: Respecting Ben is Dead

Zine mistake #46: Newsprint

Zine mistake #47: Apologizing for how long it took to get the issue out

Zine mistake #48: Low-res scans

Zine mistake #49: Mistaking ranting for passion

Zine mistake #50: Pictures of yourself

Zine mistake #51: Pictures of your friends

Zine mistake #52: Befriending fans

Zine mistake #53: Dating fans

Zine mistake #54: Saying nothing at all when you've got nothing nice to say

Zine mistake #55: Getting its vs. it's wrong time after time

Zine mistake #56: Filling pages with a list of record labels as "value-added" for advertisers

Zine mistake #57: Recounting your thrift scores

Zine mistake #58: Wicca anything

Zine mistake #59: Creating a personae

Zine mistake #60: Creating a false history

Zine mistake #61: Reprinting the ticket stub with the review

Zine mistake #62: Being afraid of offending your readers

Zine mistake #63: Retro clip art after 1996

Zine mistake #64: Conspiracy-theory anything

Zine mistake #65: Knocking out type smaller than 8-point

Zine mistake #65: Not scuttling the ship when the time is right